I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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