I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
