drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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