Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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