there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
