Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
