Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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