Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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