i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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