Sry I called you an 8
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
