All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
