I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
