so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I will pee on everything he values.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
