i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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