And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
