UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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