I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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