Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
