STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize