Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
