We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize