Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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