you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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