It's like God shit irony all over that family
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
