I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
