No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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