I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
