I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
