Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
