she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
