you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
