My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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