Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Of course I have a pirate flag
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
please don't ironically join a cult
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