I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize