I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
