Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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