I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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