She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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