I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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