so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
