seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize