I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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