I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
