omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
