you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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