I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
