Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
