Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
