there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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