My nipple is on Facebook.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
