I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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