I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
