i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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