So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
