I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just had sex on a roof
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
