In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
