I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
