Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
