Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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