Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
