Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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