oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
