Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
