you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There r osticjed everywhere
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize