There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
