my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
