Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
