we're blogging at a bar
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
