So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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