meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You ate ashes out of my bong
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
