Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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