I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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