well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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