Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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